Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
Being the nice guy I am, and realizing digesting your own stomach doesn’t fit into your “diet”, I am willing to help you ladies by offering you some of my saliva, for your health ;)

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because “the flights are too expensive.” They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother’s two-year-old Porsche. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says “You’re so beautiful. How did I ever get you?” She replied, “I was drunk.” FML

1) Death in the family.
2) Hospitalization not due to alcohol.
3) You are allergic to green.
4) To get 1 million dollars, no more, no less.
5) The movie Leprechaun scared you.
6) You have an aversion to Rolla being fun.
7) You’re thinking about transferring to Mizzou.
8) You think that Marti Gras was a big party.
9) You’re going home to see Alice.
10) You go to Ireland.

10. IDE - Do I need to say more even?
9. Ceramic - You are making toilets for a living.
8. Mechanical - Hooray, you are almost as useful as a high school shop student.
7. History - I prefer to repeat history, makes for an easier second go-around.
6. Computer Science - Computers gave us Facebook, Wikipedia, and Google. Way to destroy free time.
5. IST - You are like a worthless Comp Sci...which is already worthless.
4. Math - You are spending time coming up with theories that require more theories to solve.
3. Nuclear Engineering - Your mascot is HOMER SIMPSON!  Most worthless individual ever.
2. Civil - Congratulations, you can make things that don’t move.
1. Your Major - You are getting a degree from here, that is how worthless it is.