Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because “the flights are too expensive.” They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother’s two-year-old Porsche. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says “You’re so beautiful. How did I ever get you?” She replied, “I was drunk.” FML

Today, I found out my mother has another new boyfriend. She told me she wanted me to meet him, and I reluctantly agreed. When I walked out to meet him in the living room, to my surprise, I knew him. He’s 18, my mother is 44. He also happens to be in my second period high school math class. FML.
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmothers wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn’t hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can’t drive, our mom drove her there. FML
Today, my fiancee broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML
Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt’s funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, “You’re the one going places in life, I’m proud to have you as a grand daughter.” She then looked at me, and walked away. FML
Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying” I just dropped the b*tch off I’ll be there in a few baby, miss you”. I asked him about it he said he “I dont know what youre talking about Megan”. My name isnt Megan, not even close. FML
Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend’s family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say “You’re fat! I like fat things.” FML
NUMBER 1:
Today, I walked home from a guy’s dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said “Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?” and the mom replied “Because honey, she makes bad decisions.” FML